


Begin By Letting Go

by littleglassanimal



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Empath, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Lyrium Addiction, Modern Girl in Thedas, Slow Burn, alternative universe, damn those magisters, i honestly have no idea how to do tags lol, kind of? lol, marked as explicit because i'm not sure how deep this story will go, will add more tags as i see fit because i am so bad at this lol, will mark more characters as i factor them into the storyline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-01-28 09:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12603960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleglassanimal/pseuds/littleglassanimal
Summary: Cullen somehow finds himself in an Orlesian pleasure house with Dorian and has no idea he's to meet and spend several nights with an old friend of Dorian's.Nothing turns out quite how he expects it, much to his surprise.





	1. For The Love Of Friends

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work here on ao3, so please be gentle <3 I'm using the excuse of nanowrimo to do this, but this story has been in my head for a long while now. I really hope I'm able to do these characters justice. That said, this is just kind of set up chapter with letters between Dorian and my OC Renata.

_Dearest Wren,  
You always assume I am up to no good. I would have you know that I have performed no less than five good deeds this week alone! Why, just the other day I assisted in finding some of our poor, missing number. It was a harrowing experience full of horrific abominations and SO. MUCH. BOG. Positively ruined my second favorite pair of boots. I suppose I shall have to find a new second favorite pair, won't I?_

_I am sorry that our correspondence has been so erratic of late. My companions and I have been very busy on various errands and conditions on the road are not always ideal. That said, I am pleased to inform you that we will be in your part of the world in the very near future. We have acquired invitations to a certain masked event to the east and will have ample spare time for leisure. Or rather, I should say I will be convincing them to provide us with a few extra days for leisure. Semantics._

_I would be ever so appreciative if you could see fit to make a little time for me and one of mine. It has been far too long since I've let you win a game of chess._

_And it has felt even longer since I have felt the warmth of your bright smile._

_I do so hope to hear from you very soon._

_Yours, as always,  
Door_

\----------------------------------

_  
Slightly More Dear Door,_

_Whatever will you do without your second favorite boots?! Should I have my cobbler begin work on a new pair for you? I will inform him of your love of embellishment and see what he is able to come up with. Did you know that tiny taxidermy animals are all the rage these days? Shall I have a pair of field mice boots made for you? I can only imagine you traipsing through a field with them on! What a sight you would be with their little dead tails waving through the air as you prance!_

_All joking aside, I am very pleased to hear that you seem to be doing so well with your new companions. I was worried about you after that strange **time** you had on that **trip** recently. I am still saddened for your dear friend, but I feel as though you are filling your days in a most beneficial way. Perhaps next week you will perform no less than SIX good deeds! Either way, I want you to know that I am extremely proud of you. Don't fret if you aren't able to correspond as much as we used to for my heart is happy knowing you are part of something larger than yourself. Just knowing you think of me from time to time is enough. _

_Besides, you know I can only take so much of your MASSIVE ego at a time._

_I am pleased to hear that I will be able to see you soon! I will begin making preparations for you and your companion's visit and will ensure that I have absolutely no plans other than days and nights spent with the two of you, several bottles of wine, a chessboard, and many smiles to send your way._

_Ever so much love,_  
_Wren._  


\----------------------------------

_Wren_

_I do not traipse nor do I PRANCE. You take that back._

_Pleased to hear you are able to make time for us. I am sorry this is so short, but the next time we communicate will be in person. I am eager to see you once again, old friend._

_Slightly less love for suggesting that I PRANCE,_  
Door  



	2. Between The Happiness And The Hardness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our favorite Commander contemplates murder, but decides to forgo the action in favor of his own piqued curiosity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long to update....I was getting over an illness and my muse has been resting in its wake. Hopefully, my updates will be much more frequent from here on out! ^_^

"Maker's breath..." Cullen's quiet voice tumbled from his lips into his glass, and his words promptly drowned themselves in his wine in embarrassment of his surroundings. From the moment he'd first stepped foot into the foyer of the lavish estate house, his face had been doing a wonderful job of mimicking the brightest shade of beet known to man.

To be fair, he'd never really been all that comfortable when it came to....ladies of the night. His comfort level was at its absolute lowest despite - or perhaps because of - the fact that this establishment was incredibly high class. What little bit he did see before sticking to the safe view of his boots and then his hands on the table had him wishing he'd refused Dorian's request for his company on this visit. Looking back on it now? Well, it was a weak ploy to get him laid, it would seem.

"What was that, Commander?" Cullen's permanently downcast eyes made a quick trip to Dorian's face to see the smug man giving him one of his signature smirks. Cullen's own scruff twisted into a scowl as his eyes once more made intense study of his glass of wine. He slowly spun the expensive cut crystal vessel between his fingers and watched as the small light from the candle at their table played against the cross sections in rainbows. "You know very well what I said, Pavus. Remind me again why we're here?" He squinted at his wine as though it had committed some atrocity against him before lifting the glass to his lips. He knew well that the alcohol was doing no favors for his reddened face, but if he was to be here, he might as well have a bit of liquid courage for whatever was to come.

Be it Dorian's murder or some other fateful event that would end in the man's death.

"You wish to know why we're here? Or would you rather recount how I tricked you into coming in the first place?" Cullen was met with an amused laugh in reply, and it took everything he had not to go running for the front door. Maker forbid he embarrass himself any further already, though. No, he would stay put and do his best to think of creative ways to end his friend. A strong hand clapped onto his shoulder and Dorian leaned closer to Cullen's line of sight. "We are here because of someone who is very dear to me. Don't look so glum, friend. She is a much better chess player than I could ever aspire to be." He could see Dorian's mustache twitch slightly with a smile, and Cullen's shoulders relaxed ever so slightly at the thought of a heated chess match.

They instantly tightened back up at the thought that perhaps this match would be expected to be played in the nude. As though he could read the Commander's mind, Dorian burst into laughter and slapped him gently on the back. "Oh, to be inside of your head at this very moment. I do so wonder what sorts of sordid thoughts run rampant inside of that righteous mind of yours." Dorian tilted his own crystal wine glass to his lips and sipped long before once again offering Cullen a wicked smile. "I imagine you're not quite so chaste as we all imagine you are. Though, to be fair, I have imagined you in _many_ unchaste positions."

Andraste preserve him, but he wished he could quietly slip into the void and disappear from this place.

"Sit easy, Commander. Finish your wine in peace while I search out my friend." One last slap on the back was the only indication that Dorian had left him to his cups and not so chaste thoughts. He almost wished Dorian hadn't left. Without his eccentric friend's teasing banter, Cullen was better able to hear the various conversations going on around him.

_"Whatever shall we do about your very LARGE problem?"_ He groaned internally. For an Orlesian affair, the women here were absolutely shameless.

_"I bet you did not find anything out to sea quite as pretty as MY pearl, Captain."_

Cullen could have crawled under his table and absolutely died. Between suggestive sentences and demure giggles lay an entire world of action and motion that he was not entirely familiar with. Not to say that he wasn't entirely unfamiliar, just not as well versed as those in the room around him. It made him incredibly uncomfortable and he wanted nothing more than to leave. But, at the same time, he did not wish to disappoint his friend who continued to insist that Cullen would find a suitable chess match despite knowing that he was not this type of man - the type to frequent a house of flesh.

He wished he still thought they were visiting his friend's estate house. At the very least, he was lucky the women in the room seemed to be avoiding him thus far. Was it because they thought he was here with Dorian? 

"Little bird, you look absolutely ravishing. I think that Orlais agrees with you." Cullen glanced towards the hallway Dorian had disappeared into, but it would seem the man's eloquent voice was the only thing to make an appearance thus far. Sometimes Dorian was too loud for his own good. He quickly turned his eyes back to the table before they fell upon some unwanted sight in the room. "Of course I look ravishing, Wren. I would not be seen any other way." A pair of low laughs twined together as the sounds came closer. He still was not able to hear Dorian's friend, but he would be damned if he would move his gaze from his hands.

Cullen grew worried when Dorian's voice fell to a quiet whisper, and he was no longer able to hear what was being said behind him. It caused his back and neck to itch in the worst way. He had to fight his warrior's instincts to not have his exposed back to the open room, and without realizing it, he'd reached to the back of his neck and began trying to rub the sensation away. He could feel eyes on the back of his head as though it were painted with a target. He tilted his head to the side and rolled his shoulders, and he was about to turn around to face Dorian and his friend when a quiet and slightly hoarse voice met him at his left elbow instead. 

"Commander Rutherford? I'm sorry to have kept you waiting."

Sorry to have kept him waiting? She said it as though it had been his idea to come here in the first place. He turned to say as much to Dorian, but instead was met with a lone woman wearing an incredibly endearing smile.....complete with dimples.

It completely threw him for a loop, and his hand once more reached to the back of his neck. "I - we were not waiting long at all, milady. That is, I mean....there is no reason for you to apologize." Maker, he was rambling. Gather your wits, man. He watched as her smile turned a little wider on one side, which gave her a mischevious sort of look. It was a smile that said she found his rambling amusing. His eyes moved from her mouth - and dimples - to take the rest of her in as she spoke. 

She had a warm and honest sort of face, though he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was that made him think this. Her clear blue eyes were slightly uptilted at the outer corners, and her dark lashes matched her dark hair - black hair, though it was hard to tell in the dark room. It fell to her waist in soft waves save one braid that peeked out from behind her neck to fall across her bare shoulders, though bare was not entirely a true statement. Her neck and what he could see of her chest was covered in pale, almost opalescent tattoos in a design that seemed to scratch at the back of his memory. He was almost afraid to move his gaze too far down on the off chance she was not dressed properly, but his curiosity got the better of his embarrasment. The dress she wore was unlike anything he'd seen and definitely did not follow any of the fashions he'd seen in Orlais. Instead of being shaped like a puffed out mop complete with handle and covered in frills and lace, her dress instead dared to flow naturally over her form like a lazy stream. The midnight blue of the fabric seemed to make her eyes stand out, and dotted here and there were tiny silver emrboidered stars that shone randomly as she moved in the candlelight. Her fingers were adorned with only two small rings, and she wore no other jewelry that he could see. She was, thankfully, in direct opposition to all of the noble ladies he'd come into contact with. 

"Dorian asked me to send his apologies for running off on you, but he had scheduled a massage. Being late to a massage with Frederick just isn't done." Her crooked smile once more evened out, and she tilted her head to the side as though she was assessing the man seated in front of her. "So Commander, why don't we take this chance to disappear? There are entirely too many eyes and ears in this parlor." Her slightly hoarse voice was still quiet as she spoke, and Cullen wondered if perhaps she was getting over some illness that had caused stress upon her voice. He was also becoming aware of the fact that she had an accent that he could not quite place. She was not Tevene and she definitely wasn't Orlesian. His brows furrowed for only a moment as he made a decision, but his instinct to retreat from this public room got the better of him. "I was told there would be chess." For the first time since he'd stepped foot into this Maker forsaken place, Cullen's mouth turned up in a genuine smile.

Leave it to him to come to a high class Orlesian pleasure house to play chess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, I already have so many hits and kudos! Thank you all so much for reading and responding. It really warms my dark heart. If anyone is interested, I created a tumblr specifically for all things Dragon Age and any works I might decide to create.....but mostly it'll be dedicated to this one :) Feel free to follow me and send me prompts!! https://littleglassanimalwrites.tumblr.com/


	3. I've A Brittle Tongue, It Comes And Goes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cullen finds himself humbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be mentioned that the name of the 'estate' is _La Galerie_ because I'm dumb and forgot to mention that in the last chapter.........fyi I don't have a solid plan for this, I'm just following the muse as it flows lol. #storyofmylife
> 
> I also feel like I should note that, besides the first chapter, the chapters from here on out will be lyrics from various songs. The lyric title of this chapter is from Ben Howard's 'Am I In Your Light?'.....which, I tend to get into Cullen's head when I listen to Ben Howard for some reason. Give it a listen! It's definitely on my BBLG fic playlist <3

Before sliding from his stool to stand, Cullen couldn't help but pause a moment to think on Dorian's quick disappearance only moments before. The longer he thought on it, the more the man's exit had felt like a hasty and very sound retreat, and Cullen wondered if Dorian had planned it that way. Knowing Dorian's penchant for dramatics, he most likely _had_. He could see a checklist written out in Dorian's scrawl in his mind's eye: 

• Lie through teeth to get Cullen to _La Galerie_. Check.

• Make Cullen incredibly uncomfortable once he figures out what _La Galerie_ is. Check.

• Ensure he stays that way by ribbing him for much too long. Check.

• Make a hasty retreat once his "friend" finally emerges. Check check check.

The more he thought about the fact that Dorian had tricked him into coming here and then had disappeared like a thin puff of smoke, the angrier he became - until that quiet voice at his left elbow spoke once more. "Does the thought of chess make you angry, Commander?" His eyes quickly shot to the woman's face at the hint of amusement in her voice, and he noticed once again that she was giving him a crooked smile to match the crooked cant of her head. It made one of her dimples deeper than the other, and he had to force himself to move his gaze to her eyes instead, lest the little pit drive him to distraction. "Ah...n-no, my lady. Forgive me, I was simply thinking of our mutual....friend." He forced his face to neutrality before peering once more to the hall Dorian had disappeared into. 

His gaze was quickly forced back to the woman's as she let loose with a slightly deep laugh that came straight from her chest and rose up her throat to spill from her lips like some rocky, burbling brook. It was an inelegant and sudden sound that surprised him given her quiet demeanor, but there was something almost infectious and warm in it that made him chuckle along with her. Her blue eyes held a deep amusement, still, and she reached to hook her hand into his left elbow with a gentle tug and matching smile. "It would seem you _know_ Door." She touched the palm of her free hand to her mouth, then dropped it and peered back up at Cullen. "Excuse me. Dorian."

The woman's small tug at his arm had him finally sliding from the plush seat of the bar stool to stand at his full height on the plush carpet. He was slowly becoming aware of just how PLUSH everything here was. From the expensive silk wallpaper on the walls to the ridiculous carpeted floors beneath his boots....to the soft velvet fabric of the woman's dress next to him....well, let us just say he was ready to beat his own hasty retreat to wherever the woman wanted to take him. It had to be more comfortable than this room.

It was a thought that caused his face to flush once more when he realized the implications. 

Not that he planned to partake in her particular skill set _whatsoever_. He was simply ready to get away from all of the prying eyes and fanciful adornments. 

"Come, Commander." He peered down at her once more at the gentle prompting in her voice, and took a moment to take note of just how much smaller she was in regards to his own height. The top of her head couldn't have come up farther than his mouth, and the feel of her hand once more tugging at the crook of his elbow felt like nothing more than a flutter of a bird's wing. 

_They are of a similar height, but she is light where this one is dark....._

He quickly dropped that line of thought and motioned with his right hand for her to lead the way. Chess. Think of chess and nothing else. 

Cullen felt her hand give his arm another squeeze before she began walking in the opposite direction Dorian had disappeared. Despite his surroundings, there was something slightly comforting about the small woman. It almost felt as though she was doing her utmost to put him at his ease, like the fact that she had taken his shield arm instead of his sword arm even though his weapons had been left behind at the door. The thought that, had he been armed, he could have easily taken up his sword...well, it was a comforting one. It could have simply been coincidence that had her taking up that side, though. She was also careful not to touch him overly much, and seemed to almost have a preternatural sense of what he was feeling. Or perhaps he was simply not steeling his emotions from his face well enough. He blinked down at her as they passed from the open parlor into the dim hallway. What made Dorian think Cullen would enjoy himself here with her? How did they know one another? Why would anyone choose to come into a life such as could be found living in a pleasure house?

She stole a quick glance at him before they turned a corner, and he felt himself flush before looking away from her still beatific smile. He realized he was rubbing at the back of his neck again, and he dropped his hand as he searched for some topic to break the silence. "The, ah, hallways are much quieter than I'd expect." 

Maker, he was an idiot.

She gave a quiet laugh and he could feel her gaze though he stubbornly refused to meet it once more. "The rooms here are all warded from the inside to damper sound, though mine is warded twice over for obvious reasons. The parlor....well, that is reserved more for those who _want_ to be seen. I don't really understand why Dorian made you wait there for me instead of a private room where you would have probably been much more comfortable." Indeed. _Why ever would Dorian do such a silly thing?_

His thoughts quickly backed up a few sentences. What obvious reasons were there that had her room warded twice over? He forced himself to change his line of thought before his mouth got ahead of his brain and blurted out the question - he found he was slightly frightened of what the answer might be. "Perhaps Dorian is the one who wanted to be seen? Maker, who knows when it comes to him." She laughed quietly once more as they made their way up a staircase, the lavish red carpeting keeping their steps quiet. "Dorian does enjoy being seen, doesn't he?" She tugged gently on his arm once more at the top of the stairs to indicate they were to turn left. Cullen was glad to see the end of the hall was just that - a dead end. He was not so glad to find that they were headed straight for the door that could be seen there.

He was a little frightened of the fact that the door at the end of the hall was one of the more ornately decorated ones he'd spied on their journey. The sight did not bode well for his modest sensibilities. It took another more insistent tug on his arm for him to come to the realization that his steps had slowed, and for the first time he noticed the woman was not smiling. No, the look on her face was....concerned? "Commander? All will be well. My rooms are quiet and private and you'll be able to see Dorian tomorrow around midday." Her steps had paused with his, and though she was smiling again with a quiet warmth, she was peering into his face as though reading something there. His hesitation, most likely.

"Forgive me, my lady." The smile on her face turned amused once more, and she began walking slowly towards the end of the hall after releasing his arm as though giving him the choice to follow or not. "Please, Commander. I'm no lady and don't stand on formality. You can simply call me Renata. Or Ren if you're more comfortable with that. Little Bird is reserved for Dorian, though, I'm afraid."

Finally, a name.

"Renata." Cullen could feel the corners of his own mouth lifting up just slightly in response to hers, and he watched her walk ahead for a beat before deciding to follow behind. Where the void else was he to go while Dorian was otherwise occupied in who knew which part of the estate? "Forgive me, I did not have your name until this moment. Renata. It is a nice name." _Quiet man, you're rambling again._ Her steps slowed to a stop in front of the door at the end of the hall, and she turned to face him as he caught up. "Dorian didn't tell you my name?" Her smile had dropped from her face, and Cullen watched as her teeth slowly worried at her bottom lip. Renata's brows were furrowed in what he thought was concern, but she had turned to open the door before he could be certain. He quietly cleared his throat at his sudden spike of discomfort as he waited for her to enter first. "He has only mentioned to me that you are a dear friend and that I would find a rousing game of chess in your company."

They stepped into a small entrance way, and Cullen stood to the side as she closed the door behind them with a quiet sigh. He took the moment to assess his surroundings as was his habit in any new situation. The entrance way was lit on either side in an inviting way with oil lamps ensconced in colored cut glass that reflected and shone off simple warm-colored wall tapestries. The effect was much different than the previous hallways and the parlor he had spent so many uncomfortable moments in before. There was a worn, but well made rug beneath his feet that ran from the entrance to the other much less ornate door at the other end. To his left stood a well used armor stand, a plain wooden side table, and a matching bench seat with mismatched soft pillows sitting on top. It was not what he expected to see from his initial assessment of the polished woman who was moving past him to the side table, but the overall mood of the setting had him relaxing ever so slightly without even realizing he was doing so. It did not last long.

Cullen's feet shuffled as he stood there awkwardly, and he came to the realization that he had no idea what he was to do now. Renata was reaching for a folded cloth that sat atop the side table, but she had yet to respond to his answer to her question. She still was not smiling, and he was unsure what it was that had caused it to fall from her face. "Apologies my la-, errr Renata. I - I hope I haven't said anything upsetting. I must admit for the sake of honesty....I do not frequent whores a - and I am completely out of my element here."

Leave it to him to say something that completely sucked all warmth from the room.

He watched as Renata's back and shoulders went completely rigid, and if her lack of smile had diminished her warmth slightly, Cullen's words had turned her demeanor ice cold. His hand was rubbing furiously at the back of his neck as he searched his mind for the right words of apology. He hadn't meant to call her a whore - it was a word he hardly used himself - but he was so uncomfortable in this place that it had slipped out without a second thought to how hurtful the word could be. Her eyes had slid closed and she was taking deep, measured breaths. Cullen panicked slightly and started to speak "I....ah....I.....I'm....." but was cut off as Renata exhaled and held up a small hand to stop him from speaking. Her eyes opened slowly as she turned to face him full on, and Cullen's panic subsided slightly at the slight bit of warmth that had returned to her blue eyes. The cloth in her arms was held to her chest, and she took several quiet beats before speaking.

"Seeing as Dorian didn't even have the good sense to tell you my name, I'm going to assume that he conveniently forgot to mention that I am not a prostitute and that _La Galerie_ is one of the most respected pleasure houses in Orlais. I'm not upset at your lack of information, but if you would please refrain from using such a judgey and derogatory word I'd be most appreciative." Cullen noted that her unidentified accent had deepened slightly and held a bit more of a.....drawl than it had before. He was reminded of thick, amber honey pouring slowly over the ridges in honeycomb from the jar. Her hands slid across the back of the cloth and she gripped the edges to begin unfolding it. Her slender fingers worked gracefully at the thick fabric, and she walked backwards slowly without taking her eyes from his. "There are a few things you should probably know about this place, and me. Those who work here - from the highest paid lady of the night to the stable boy who prefers to sleep amongst the horses - do so of their own free will." 

She snapped her wrists and the fabric in her hands snapped in responsive smoothness as she knelt and brought the cloth to lay stretched on the floor in front of the bench. Cullen's eyes followed her movements with a sort of frightened attentiveness. "We pay rent for our rooms and meals from the kitchen, as well as other amenities like servants to help with cleaning and taking care of our guests." Her small hands now worked at smoothing the un-dyed cloth across the floor, and she stood with a fluid grace once she was finished. Her eyes met his once more, and there was a tiny smile on her face. "This is a pleasure house in every sense of the word, Commander. If only one side is on the receiving end, however would we be able to call ourselves thus?" The smile on her face turned slightly amused at the pinking of Cullen's cheeks as she walked around the cloth on the floor to lift a brass vessel that had been hidden next to the side table. She continued as she settled it onto the cloth. "You should also know that pleasure here comes in so many other forms than those of the flesh, though that is the largest bit of business that's done here." 

Renata had placed a full pitcher next to the brass vessel before moving to stand directly in front of Cullen whose feet were glued to the floor at the door. The expression on her face had softened significantly, and she reached her hand out towards the center of his breastplate and gently placed her fingers on the shining metal that protected his heart from harm. She was quiet for a long moment before continuing. " _La Galerie_ is a place of healing at its very core. Even those who only seek relief of the flesh come here to soothe something inside of them and, many who do, tend to stay the night for the comfort they find afterwards." He felt completely awkward and ridiculous at his assumption that Dorian had brought him into a pleasure house to throw him into the arms of a prostitute knowing he was not that type of man. It was always so easy to dismiss Dorian's deeds for shallow and selfish, and Cullen felt absolutely horrible for thinking his friend would toss him into such an uncomfortable situation without a very, _very_ good reason. Cullen could feel that his entire body was flushed in embarrassment, and he had no idea where to look....he didn't think he could meet the small woman's eyes after that speech. 

"Commander?" She tilted her head to try and put her face in his line of sight, and he very slowly allowed himself to meet her gaze. As their eyes met, her lips turned up into genuine smile that seemed to brighten the room - dimples and all. "Again, I'm not upset at you, but I am a little bit at Dorian who thought to cause you discomfort for his own twisted humor. He only has the best intentions for you, I promise. Otherwise, he wouldn't have begged a favor of me.....for you." Once again, there was a soothing warmth to her demeanor, and Cullen allowed himself a slight bit of reprieve from his earlier embarrassment. He couldn't quite bring himself to smile back at her, but he did appreciate her blunt candor and quick forgiveness of his mistake. He slowly dropped his hand from behind his neck and gave her a gentle nod. "As am I with Dorian." He let out a sigh. "And please allow me to apologize for my poor choice of words earlier. As I mentioned, I am very much out of my typical element, and the word slipped out without a second thought. I find....well, I find that I spend too much time among my soldiers." 

Renata's hand moved from the center of his chest to once more squeeze his arm, and she shook her head. "Please Commander, I understand more than you know." She patted his arm, then took a step back and grasped her hands together behind her back as she looked up at his face with a gentle smile. "But for the sake of clearing the air, I accept your apology. Now, there are a couple of things we need to go over before we continue."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooooo sorry this took me so long to get to. First I was sick, then my husband was sick, and then I wasn't feeling well AGAIN. There's some crud going around Japan right now, but finally the cold weather seems here to stay......so hopefully we'll not go through that seasonal crap for another few months lol. 
> 
> I just want to say, thank you all so much for reading so far. I heart you all and I'm doing my best to make this story interesting. I hope this chapter was better than the previous two. I think momma's getting her writing groove back.
> 
> I don't know why I called myself momma...I have no children LOL. ANYWAY, please feel free to comment, kudos, subscribe, etc so I know you're enjoying yourselves :) I'd also very much appreciate some feedback on whether or not you all prefer LONG or SHORTER chapters. Thank you so much!!! 
> 
> You can also follow me over on tumblr and interact with me there if you like! I have some Renata inspiration and music inspiration and just silly stuff that makes me laugh. I'd love to chat with you all!! <3 <3 
> 
> https://littleglassanimalwrites.tumblr.com/


	4. It Might Be Over Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cullen (and you!) finds out what it is Renata actually is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! It's Christmas Eve and I finally found my muse again to give you all this next chapter. I hope that you're all blessed with tolerable family visits, endless amounts of patience for family asshattery, delicious food, presents with gift receipts, and amazing friends who make up for family fuckery. <3

Cullen was feeling.....Cullen was feeling.....well....he was feeling a lot of things. Overall, he was annoyed with Dorian. The man had purposefully tricked Cullen into coming to a pleasure house, left out VITAL information about his 'friend', and then disappeared before Cullen could get upset at him over all of these things coming to light. It was made worse by the fact that he had other things - important things - he could be doing to help prepare the Inquisition for the upcoming event at Halamshiral. Instead, here he was with some random, unknown woman in a house of ill repute who he was expected to do Maker knew what with. He was not entirely certain that he believed her when she'd said she wasn't a prostitute. He was not entirely certain that he wanted to stay. He was not entirely certain where else he could go at this time of evening. They'd ridden too long getting here for him to even think of getting back into a saddle.

If he was to be completely honest with himself, he would also admit that he was actually more than a little bit intrigued by Renata The Not Prostitute. But Cullen had not been completely honest with himself in a very long time, and this was a thought that he pushed into the back of his mind for the moment. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to at least hear her out. If anything, he could fake illness and ask for a private room for himself. 

He also shoved back the thought that he could just ask for a private room _now_. 

Cullen reached his hand to the back of his neck to try and calm the nervousness and tumult of emotions that was causing his muscles to tense up. "I am....well, I am all ears." He still could not bring himself to match her smile, and instead shifted on his feet as she began to speak. 

Maker, why was she smirking at him? "It's a good thing you're not. You'd look funny if you were." One of her hands came from behind her back to cover her mouth with a little laugh, and Cullen knew then that he was making a ridiculously confused face. Whatever was she on about? "I mean...if you were all ears......you'd look funny......" It was her turn to flush bright red in embarrassment, and Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt his lips tug into an almost smile. "There we go. I will take even the ghost of a smile." Her hand had dropped from her mouth, though her face was still flushed as Cullen met her eyes. It was an attractive look on her. 

_Chess. Chess. CHESS._

"Excuse my silliness, I just wanted to lighten your mood a little." She was worrying on her bottom lip with her teeth, and her eyes were on his feet now. He wondered if she was still embarrassed to not be able to meet his gaze. "Nothing wrong with a bit of silliness." He purposefully allowed some softness into his voice to try and help quell her embarrassment, and he gave her another slip of a smile as her eyes tilted back up to his face. "You were saying something about....things? To go over?" Maker, what was he doing moving the strange events of the evening forward? 

"Right. I am sure you wish to get settled." She cleared her throat a little, though the action did not help the hoarseness in her voice one bit, and clasped her hands behind her back once more. "As I mentioned before, La Galerie is, at it's core, a place of healing. I ask that you abide by just a few things while you're staying with me." She held up a slender hand, then closed her fingers in a fist save the pointer. "First of all, the door behind me leads to a safe space. Not only is this entrance warded, but so is the entirety of the room behind me. No one can hear us in the hallway, and those servants that enter this area cannot hear us in my rooms. Two wards to keep our words safe." Her face turned serious and she took half a step towards him as she lifted a second finger. 

"Secondly, no word spoken behind either door is to be a lie. If a question is asked or a subject breached that you are uncomfortable with and do not wish to talk about, all you have to do is say so and I will drop it immediately with no questions. That isn't to say that we will not approach it again at a later time, but I would rather put a subject on hold than have you LIE to me. Just as I ask honesty of you, I promise you on Dorian's life that you have complete and utter honesty from me." Her face was soft as she spoke. "I know that you do not know me, but know that I owe Dorian my own life and I would rather take mine before I ever even think of taking his." Her eyes met his and she was quiet for a long moment as she let that sink in. She slowly lifted a third finger and took another half step towards him. "And last? I ask that if you are to enter my safe space, you will do so unarmored or not at all." She reached forward and tapped her three fingers against his breastplate. "Literally AND figuratively unarmored." Her face was still serious as she peered up into his. 

"What I can do is....unique." Her hand hovered just over her neck and chest, though he noticed that she stopped just shy of touching her fingers to skin. She was staring at the spot on his breastplate that she had previously tapped her fingers against, but Cullen noticed that her gaze seemed to look through him and into some far reaching memory. Her voice was almost a whisper as she continued speaking. "I can force my abilities onto you...." Her gaze came back into focus and turned up to his once more. "But, again on Dorian's life, I would never do such a thing to someone in my trust. This is why I ask that you enter unarmored or not at all. You come to me vulnerable. You come to me without title. You come to me with brutal honesty." 

Renata was still holding his gaze, and Cullen was nearly struck dumb as her mouth curled up into a bright smile full of....... 

Hope? 

Promise? 

Absolution? 

He could not be completely certain, but it had something tight loosening inside of his chest _ever. so. slightly._ "In return, Cullen, you have my word that I will do anything and everything that is within my power to help." He stood for several long moments simply basking in her smile, and when that began to fall, her slightly worried gaze. He knew that he was staring and that he should say something, but he was reeling slightly from what she'd said.

From what she'd sworn.

From the look on her face that was _so_ open to him that he could practically read her thoughts.

_"Give me a chance"_ her look implored of him.

There was one slight issue with what had transpired, and it was part of why he had yet to say anything.

"Forgive me, ah, Renata." He shifted on his feet and lifted his brows before continuing. "I still....well, I still don't know exactly what is is you _DO_." There was a tiny moment of quiet between them where Cullen began the thought that perhaps he'd insulted her. He hadn't even completed the thought before she was throwing back her head and once again letting loose with that inelegant and unhindered laugh. Her arm was braced around her midsection, and one of her hands found its way to her cheek as her laugh turned into a sort of wheezing and airy thing. He had no idea what he had said to cause her mirth but, once again, he found himself charmed by her unbridled laughter. 

"I....ah.....oh. I'm so sorry, I am not laughing....ah.....at you...." She was gently dabbing at the corners of her upturned eyes as though her laughter had caused her tears, and she was smiling up at Cullen's confused face. "In my seriousness, I forgot that Dorian didn't tell you of my ability." She was still laughing a little between words, and Cullen chuckled quietly with her. He was glad that at least one of them found their situation hilarious. "I'm going to kick him very hard in the ass later, believe me." With one last gentle swipe at her right eye, Renata quickly composed herself though her dimpled smile remained steady and true and trained on his awaiting gaze. "I think I might pay well to see _that_." His own mouth had curved up at the side in a smirk, and he enjoyed hearing her give another laugh - though it was much quieter this time. "Cullen, you can attend that show for free. It won't be the first OR last of it's kind, either."

They shared another quiet laugh, and he could feel his shoulders relax slightly as he realized they seemed to have an easy rapport - at least, when they weren't thinking so hard about....well, whatever this was that was to happen. 

Cullen watched as Renata took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before reaching her hands to her hair and sweeping it from over her shoulders to cascade down her back. His eyes flicked from the now completely visible skin of her chest to her eyes and back again before he cleared his throat and tried to decide where he was supposed to be looking. He'd settled on her mouth, but she was giving another amused smirk that deepened just one of her dimples, and that was almost worse than staring at her chest. "Cullen, you have my permission to stare at my chest." She gave him a very quiet laugh before completely closing the space between them. His eyes slowly roved from her distracting dimples, over her chin, down that slender neck, to finally land on her chest and shoulders.

As he'd noted before, she was covered from bottom lip to chest in strangely swirling and oddly colored tattoos, and her skin was peppered here and there on her shoulders and chest with light freckles. The tattoos were not Dalish markings, as she was anything but an elf, and again they tugged at something pressing against the back of his memories. He quickly met her eyes so as not to stare overly long, and he knew she saw the confusion on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand between them to stop him from asking the question on his lips.

Her voice was quiet as she held his rapt gaze. "I will go into the details and the how of them later, but my tattoos give me my ability." She cleared her throat again and he wondered if it was painful for her to speak. Or perhaps the subject was painful to speak _on_? He could see her hand reaching between them, and she placed her palm flat on the breastplate directly over his heart.

"I am an empath. I feel what you feel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise these chapters will start coming much quicker than they have been. Hopefully. My muse has been ALL OVER the place lately....the little hussy. Also, if you enjoy solavellan hell as well.....feel free to check out my other new fic! As always, follow me over on tumblr to interact <3 I heart you all and thank you for reading!! 
> 
> https://littleglassanimalwrites.tumblr.com/


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